


his priority

by seijhoes



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, I love my boy, Jean's worst nightmare after all this Marley shit is over, Nightmares, Post-Canon, and death but you don't see it happen, not super graphic violence but there is mention of it, possibly contains spoilers ? so be warned, wholly centered on Jean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:22:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23425444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seijhoes/pseuds/seijhoes
Summary: Jean has many priorities as a leader and as a commander, but when it comes to his personal life, there's only one that comes above all the rest
Relationships: Mikasa Ackerman/Jean Kirstein
Comments: 8
Kudos: 35





	his priority

**Author's Note:**

> So this just might be the longest thing I've written in a while (adding up to almost 11 pages in my docs) and 2.5k words, so if it's not good I'll just dig myself a hole and crawl in it. I hope I did Jean some justice? This is post canon so I think he would have grown a lot more in that time during where the manga currently is as of now, and even more so afterwards. I'm also just a sucker for angst and Jeankasa so why not mush those two together?

After years of being threatened by titans, then people, finally Paradis was finally safe, and Jean intended to keep it that way.

Commander Jean Kirstein sat in front of his soldiers, like he had so many times before expeditions like this one (which hadn’t been that many, since he’d been named the 15th Commander of the Survey Corps). He soothed his horse, Dolly (as their equine vet Grace had so lovingly named her), as they prepared to venture outside into Titan territory. Or, it used to be, ever since the battle between Paradis and Marley, and putting a stop to Zeke Jaeger, there hadn’t been a titan to be seen, or if there was, it was engorged and hardly had any leg support, so no one was really concerned. 

Things felt normal, or whatever Jean could consider to be normal. He’d like to keep that consistent too.

He heard a throat clear next to him and he turned his head. Ah, Mikasa, the new captain after Levi had left, no doubt she was the right pick since her skills were practically unmatched by anyone, other than maybe Levi himself. Jean had always admired her, and to his delight, she fell for him as hard as he had fallen for her all those years ago. He was a lucky man, he knew that for sure.

“Are you alright?” She spoke softly, glancing at him out of the corner of her eye.

“I’m fine, why?”

“You just seem tense.”

Was he? He rolled his shoulders out, giving his head a little shake. “I’m fine, just thinking about what I should make for dinner we get home.” He tried to tease, but he could see she didn’t buy it. She could always see right through him.

“Well, why don’t we begin so you can figure it out?” He heard her teasing tone after a moment. He glanced at her and saw a hint of a smile on her lips. “I look forward to seeing what you come up with.”

Jean smiled at her, he supposed that because there wasn’t much of a threat anymore, the environment didn’t have to be as heavy anymore. They hadn’t lost a single soldier since the final battle between Paradis and Marley. He faced forward again, sitting up straight. “Alright, this isn’t anything more than scouting out the land! Should there be any enemies to engage, shoot up a red flare! Are we clear?”

“Yes sir!” His soldiers called back.

“Then my soldiers, advance!” He called loudly, spurring Dolly forward as they galloped away from their base just outside of the Trost district. So far, these recon missions had been just that, and there had even been talk of maybe putting the Survey Corps to a different use, but thanks to their former commander’s stubbornness, plus their in with the queen, they got to stay as is. Which Jean was grateful for, which he found ironic, considering that he used to be so adamant about not fighting titans and living a comfy life within the walls. Honestly, with how things were when he was a recruit, he sometimes wonders if it would have been as comfortable as he used to brag about.

“Hey, dad! I mean, Commander.”

Jean glanced out of the corner of his eye to see the smiling face of his daughter, Ella. She was a spitting image of her mother, the same black hair, except she grew hers out and wore it in a loose ponytail, same facial structure too. The only difference was that she had his light brown eyes, and was an extremely happy and joyful child, which neither of her parents were. He and Mikasa had been reluctant to let her join the Survey Corps, but unfortunately for them she made the argument that since there wasn’t any immediate danger anymore, they couldn’t really find any other reason to say no. Besides, thanks to her training, she was one of the brightest recruits in the Survey Corps, he wasn’t worried about her.

He raised an eyebrow at his daughter, turning his head to look at her. “Ella, what are you doing up here? You’re supposed to be with your squad.” Coincidentally, she was in her mother’s squad, to ensure her safety. He turned to look back at Mikasa, who merely gave him a playful look in return.

“I needed to tell you something sir!”

“Alright then.”

“Good luck, and I love you!”

Jean couldn’t help but smile, it was more or less a tradition of theirs now. “Good luck to you too, and I love you too. Now get back to your squad, you hear?”

She grinned, “Yes sir!” And with that, she fell back next to her mom.

Jean sighed and looked straight ahead at the open fields. “Alright, we’re splitting off like we discussed! We meet back at the entry of the forest! Are we clear?” He called out.

“Yes sir!” 

He rode straight ahead, hearing the retreating of the horses going in different directions. He saw Mikasa’s squad split off to the left from his peripheral, and he thought back to their earlier conversation. Sure, he was maybe a little tense, but there wasn’t anything to worry about. There was virtually no danger anymore, so why did it sound like he was trying to reassure himself right now? His soldiers would be fine, Mikasa and Ella would be fine.

They would make it back, like they always did.

***

The sun had just begun to set when he and the rest of his squad saw the red flare coming from the west.

It wasn’t uncommon to see titans out here, but again, they were usually far too engorged and weak to do any real damage to anyone, much less an entire squad. Nevertheless, he pulled out his flare gun and fired a green flare to the east. 

“Sir!”

One of the older members of his squad, Malcom, pointed in the direction the red flare had just come from. “A.. A black flare’s been fired sir! Doesn’t that mean-”

“An abnormal..” Jean’s heart sank. What had happened? He couldn’t even remember the last time they had to fire a black flare on a mission, they still taught the recruits what the different flare colors meant, but they never had to use anymore other than red and green. 

Just then, Joey, a young recruit from Connie’s squad rode up quickly from where both flares had come. He looked panicked, and had blood splattered across his face. Jean felt his heart sink even further as he slowed down to let the boy catch up, if that had been titan blood, it would’ve evaporated by now. 

“Joey, what’s going on?” He demanded.

“C-Commander, an abnormal titan came out of nowhere, we were completely ambushed!” Joey looked like he was on the verge of tears. “S-Squad Connie was completely caught off guard and eliminated sir… I was the only one who made it out, as far as I know.”

Jean sighed loudly, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Okay, Joey, I want you to go warn the other squads.” He looked to his squad, “Malcom, go with him, in case there are other titans around. The plan is still the same, regroup back at the entrance of the forest, got it?”

The two young men nodded and rode off quickly, leaving Jean with the rest of his squad. “The rest of you, come with me, we need to check this out. Be prepared for a fight if we run into one.”

They nodded and rode off in the direction from where Joey had come, the sky beginning to get darker as the sun began to disappear on the horizon. Jean just prayed that they managed to find a survivor.

***

If Jean wasn’t tense before, he definitely was now. Why? He had just seen a stray horse run by them, running as if the devil itself was on its tail. They had to be close now.

It was quiet, save for the sound of the hooves hitting the grass and the sound of Jean’s breathing coming out quickly. But soon another sound joined it, the sound of loud crunching, bones being crushed under giant teeth, and then a loud thud. His heart stopped at the scene before them.

Now, it wasn’t the first time Jean had seen such brutal carnage, he’d seen multiple comrades be eaten alive or be snatched right off their horses, the aftermath of the battle of Trost had probably been the worst, but even despite all that, he would never get used to it.

A titan was crouched down over a body, having left a trail of bodies in its wake. Not all of them were whole, some were missing the whole bottom or top halves of their bodies, being left to bleed out on the ground. Jean grimaced as he spotted Connie’s lifeless eyes fixed on him, his arm reached out as if he was trying to make one last desperate plea for help. He tore his gaze away from his friend and looked at the titan, who was facing away from him. He could just slice the nape off right now, while it was distracted chowing down on its helpless victim. He could hear the soft whimpers and cries of the unfortunate soldier caught in its mouth, and if he moved fast enough, he could save them.

As quickly as he could, he deployed the ODM gear and attached it to the back of the titan’s neck, slicing the nape quickly and watching the beast fall. He motioned his squad forward, jumping down. “Look for survivors! Even if they’re hanging on by a thread I want to know!”

“Yes sir!” They scattered in different directions while Jean went to the titan’s mouth to see who it had been eating.

The young girl had tears streaming down her face, the top half of her body hanging out of the mouth. She was alive, but who knew how bad the damage was on the inside. “What’s your name?” He asked softly.

“M-Melody, commander…”

“Okay Melody, I’m going to cut the jaw and get you out alright?” He drew out his blade, digging it into the muscle of the jaw. He could feel it come loose on the left side, and did the same on the right side until its jaw went slack and Melody tumbled out, curling in on herself as she continued to cry.

“I-I can’t move my legs commander…” She weeped, looking at him tearfully. “How am I supposed to serve if I can’t move my legs?”

Jean’s heart clenched, what was he supposed to say? The poor girl probably would have to be discharged and bedridden for the rest of her life, but he couldn’t tell her that.

Luckily, he didn’t have to, at that moment one of the members of his squad, Mary, came running up to him. “Commander! I-I found something…” She trailed off and instead just started walking from where she came. “J-Just follow me sir.”

Jean nodded and looked down at Melody, who was still sobbing on the ground, her legs twisted in horrifying directions. “I’ll send Mary back to come help you, just sit tight.” He didn’t look to see if she had responded, hurrying to catch up with Mary. 

“Is it a survivor? How bad are their injuries?”

“There… There’s one survivor, but um…” She took a shaky breath and pointed. “I think you’d better look for yourself commander…” 

He frowned and looked in the direction she had pointed, and it was like he could feel the blood drain from his face.

There, sitting underneath a tree, was Mikasa. She herself looked fine, but she was cradling a body in her arms, holding onto it like her life depended on it. Please god let it not be who he thought it was.

He ran to her and sank to his knees next to her, getting a better look at the body. There was a dull look in her eyes, or the eye that was left anyway. Her blood seeped into her mother’s cape and uniform, but Mikasa didn’t care, trembling as she held Ella’s body closer.

This was just like… No, it felt too similar to what he had seen in Trost.

“W-What… What were you even doing over here?” His words came out at barely a whisper, his eyes transfixed on his daughter’s corpse.

“We saw the black flare and we were nearby…” Mikasa spoke quietly. “Connie’s squad was already practically wiped out, it must have ambushed them… My squad came at it all at once, it was so fast, I’d never seen an abnormal like it…” She gulped, tears beginning to rush down her face. “O-One of my recruits had gotten caught and just like that she was there, going to save him… I’d never seen her look more determined than she did right then.” She let out a broken sob, burying her face in Ella’s chest. “It grabbed her and bit into her before I even knew what was happening, it was like I was frozen… It wasn’t until she was already in its mouth that I finally came to and sliced its hand… But she was already gone, and I probably would’ve been too if that blonde girl hadn’t come, probably from Connie’s squad…” She trailed off, looking at her husband, who was still frozen. “Jean..?”

His baby girl, his joy, was gone.

“Jean..?”

Snuffed out like a candle.

“Jean..”

Similar to those burned bones in his memories.

“Jean.”

Jean gasped, his eyes flying open.

***

Mikasa stared down at him, being able to make out her worried look once his eyes had adjusted to the dark. Had that been a nightmare? It must have been, though that fact didn’t stop his heart from trying to pound out of his chest. “Mikasa…”

“Jean, you were having a nightmare.” She reached down, stroking his hair to calm him down. “You were thrashing around in your sleep.”

Jean sat up, putting a hand over his heart and taking a deep breath. “Sorry, I just… I don’t know what brought that on.”

“What was it about?”

“Ella, just… She had…” He frowned, feeling tears sting his eyes. It was too painful to even talk about.

Mikasa nodded in understanding, sliding off the bed and crossing to the other side of the room where Ella’s crib. She scooped her up gently and carried her back over to the bed, sitting back down. “Good thing she’s right here hm? Right where she belongs…”

Jean nodded, taking her from her mother and looking down at her. She let out a cute little sigh in her sleep, and he couldn’t help but smile, hugging her close to his chest. Mikasa was right, their daughter was right where she belonged, with them. 

As the 15th Commander of the Survey Corps, it was Jean’s job to ensure the safety of the people in the area and surrounding areas. But as a father, keeping his daughter safe was his number one priority.

**Author's Note:**

> I got the idea for it to be a nightmare after thinking 'what would be Jean's worst nightmare at this point?' He's got everything he's ever wanted so the worst thing for him would have it be ripped away in the worst way possible, hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
